Adventures in Telemarketing

Like anyone else of a sound mind, I hate telemarketers. Well, not the telemarketers themselves; just the whole industry process. Because inevitably, they'll call when I am:

1. getting out of the shower
2. getting in the shower
3. in the shower
4. eating dinner
5. eating snacks
6. on the way in the door
7. on the way out of the door

Well, you get the idea. I was reading about some ways to 'manage' the whole telemarketer experience with cleverness and guile and decided to give it a try. So here is the play-by-play of the call I got earlier in the week.

Him: "Hello, I'd like to speak to Michael J, please!"

Me: "Speaking."

Him: "Hello Mr. J., my name is Brent and I'm calling to follow up on the credit card offer we sent to you last week and want to just get some information from you so that we can activate it and get you going with using your new card right away. So let me just verify your mailing address to get started... I have your address as _______. Is that correct?"

Me: "Brent, thank you so much, but I'm not interested in getting any more credit cards at this time, but thanks for calling!"

Him: "Well Mr. J, you know that we provide a low 8.1% interest rate for the first year of the card and 0% on balance transfers for 6 months. It's a great deal that's only being offered to our preferred customers. So if you'll verify your mailing address for me; I have your address as _______. Is that correct?"

Me: "No, like I said, Brent, I'm not interested in any more credit cards. I have more than enough right now. Thanks anyway, though!"

Him: "Well, Michael.... may I call you "Michael"?"

Me: "No."

Him: "Oh, okay...Well Mr. J, you probably didn't realize that with our platinum MasterCard, you can..."

Me: (abruptly interrupting) "Wait a minute!! Leroy?! Is this you Leroy?!"

Him: "Uh... no..."

Me: "Yes it is!! Leroy, quit playin' man! I know dis' you!! What chu' doin' at home man? Aren't you supposed to meet with your parole officer today?"

Him: "Uh.. this is Brent from _____ bank... I wante..."

Me: (interrupting again) "Leroy you don't even SOUND like a banker man or nothing. You still coming over tonight? You gonna' bring the 40's with you???"

Him: (silence)

Me: "LEROY! Hello?? LEROY?!?"

Him: "Have a good afternoon, sir." (click)

Ahhh... I love telemarketers.